So I’m still kinda blown that Amy Winehouse is dead. I really did fuck with her. She got me laid once a couple years ago, so shoutout to her for that I guess.
I just got off work at this hipster ass taco shack…so you could tell I was overwhelmed with all that culture. Anyways I started cracking open a couple beers and drinking alone on my couch cause of my terrible substance abuse issues, and after however many it took to sedate me, I passed out.
I woke up to this half-Spanish/half-Russian grad student (At least that’s what she said, but I’m pretty sure that’s just another word for a Cuban) standing over me like about an hour later. I’m really bad about locking doors, but this is one of the few times it’s worked in my favor. Turns out she was my downstairs neighbor. She was like a fucking alarm clock. First thing she yells, after nudging me for like the 20th time, “Are you the one that always plays guitar and sings Amy Winehouse?”
I thought about this for a second, trying to see if I recollect fitting the description. I mean I’d still probably say “yeah” regardless, because this didn’t sound like a complaint, and the Amy Winehouse thing was definitely a solid “in” with the whole sensitive routine. But I remember I’m basically a dyke with a dick, and I know all the words her Frank and Back to Black albums by heart, so I know I’m good for that. Still, I was just still starting out learning the guitar at the time, and it was my roommate who played all that panty dropper shit…but still, I doubt she really needs to be serenaded with song right now.
“Yeah” I said…as nonchalantly as I could.
“You’re voice is awful”
Well shit, jokes on her though. I still put my penis in her…with consent of course. Remember, she woke ME up.
I really wish I could say the same to her about her voice, but have you ever heard a half-Spanish/half-Russian chick (or a Cuban) speak? That dirty talk was fucking hot. I’m pretty sure I came three times alone just hearing her try to pronounce my name.
Still, I didn’t want my neighbor to get the idea that this would amount to anything more than a one night stand, or me periodically hitting her up for a booty call when I’m drunk, lonely, and horny. So when she asked me what’s my favorite Amy Winehouse song (she also asked me if I remembered her name, and I wasn’t gonna go 0/2), I though for a good moment.
“You Know I’m No Good”