So if you’re illiterate or haven’t noticed yet, my name isn’t pronounced how it’s spelled. I pronounce it like the word “currency” without the “cy” (yeah, ain’t that a cool way to introduce yourself. I probably would’ve kept the “cy” if some rapper hadn’t already taken that alias), but my name is actually spelled K-A-R-A-N.
I’m pretty sure I got the name because my first grade teacher was going down roll call list on the first day, and obviously never seeing this arrangement of letters before, she gave it her best shot…and I just sort of dug it. It was a better shot than most white people (unlike the sport of basketball, where being white pretty much requires you to be a designated perimeter shooter…and not much else.)
Now many of you have probably realized is awfully similar to the spelling of KAREN…which is a bit to feminine for my taste. And yea, a lot of people fuck it up. And yea, a lot of people catcall to fuck with me about it. You get used to it, and let them have their fun. They think they’re being original. It does get a little weird however, when guys catcall you…for real.
So this one dude friend requested me on Facebook once from this dude, and his profile immediately gave off that “incel vibe”. You know what I’m talking about. 30-40 people on the friend list, a shitty photo of a pond as the header, and back-to-back selfies of the same motherfucking person staring so closely into the camera that you’d think they were tryna find their purpose inside that lens. Anyways, I decided to message him…
First off, I would like to apologize to all the ugly girls (and this apology only applies if you let it apply.) I believed all the pretty chicks who thought men were creeps (cause at times, we’re pretty creepy)…but I always kinda thought y’all were tryna just ride the wave. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. There are some dudes out there that will fuck just about anything.
Second off, you couldn’t even take the time to click on my profile picture before you slid in DMs? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just me in the picture, but bro I would’ve at least expected a three or four clicks more at bare minimum. Sure, I got the Prince-like physique to be considered foreign jailbait, but I feel like it ain’t hard to tell that I’m a dude.
Third off, I’m pretty sure he meant “hoes” instead of “how’s”, but honestly at this point I’m not sure what to think. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. At least we could come to the same conclusion.